The story, familiar to viewers of NAGIN, is this: a writer saves a snake man in the woods, who tells him about when he's about to meet his mate. The writer gathers up a group of his friends to peep on them, but when the snake man turns into a cobra, one of the guys shoots it, thinking he is saving the girl from being bit. Not quite, though, since she's a snake woman, and they've just murdered her boyfriend. So, she hunts them down, one by one, and murders them.

The story is told in a completely perfunctory way, this time out, since I suppose the director assumes everyone knows the story already. He skips rationalizing any of it, making sense of any of it, and providing any kind of character for any of the victims to be, again I suppose assuming the previous movie had already done that. Which makes this remake completely pointless, and much, much, worse.

How much does this movie follow NAGIN? Well, lets take a look at a couple scenes.

First, the novelist saves the snake man, and asks, "How do you survive out here?" From the 1976 movie:

From this one:

Not even the songs are original, with several of the tracks lifted directly from NAGIN. The only difference between the two movies during those points, is that in this new one, there is a quick shot of a boom box sitting nearby. I guess this is meant to suggest that the characters in this movie aren't singing, the songs from NAGIN just happened to be playing on the radio nearby.

[IMAGE: "Hey, let's listen to the soundtrack of NAGIN while a snake woman dances outside, OK?"]

PYAASI NAGIN has the feel of a home movie copy of a classic that some dudes put together for a laugh and uploaded onto Youtube. The cast is uncharismatic, goofy looking, and a bit on the hefty side, even for Bollywood. And the dancing is seriously bad. How bad? How about one more comparison.

The snake people cavorting, circa 1976:

And in 2004:

[Shudder.] Theoretically, PYAASI NAGIN could be good for a laugh, but it really isn't. It is so tirelessly derivative that it offers nothing new of any interest.

The kids steal a car, because it is a fancy buggy that some idiot left the keys in. A crime of opportunity, taken on a whim. They cruise the city streets, and stop at a remote gas station to fill the tank, but without any money, they need to come up with some kind of scam to get away, one which the grownups don't take too kindly to. The gas station attendants would rather fight it out than let the kids get away with a lousy tank of gas.

Accidents happen, people die, lives turn to shit. They never really knew how to fit in to society at large, how it really worked, so of course they have no idea how to handle a situation when it goes wrong.

What's worse, and what makes THE HAPPENINGS such a powerful film, is that the adults aren't particularly mature, either. No real father figures, elder brothers, wise men, sympathetic elders -- nothing. When the kids try to get away with not paying for their gas, the gas attendants go ballistic, and one (Wong Yut Fei in an early role) starts swinging a crowbar with no regard for how lethal it is. The adults lose control as quickly as the teens. When Cheung Kwok Keung takes the stolen car to show his brother, his brother admonishes him not to steal -- "unless you are going to rob a bank," he adds, while removing the car stereo and leaving with it. When one of the boys seeks shelter with a prostitute to avoid the cops, she simply tries to extort him for all he's worth. No one has much control. Everyone is self-obsessed. And as a consequence, no one can possibly help these kids.

But it doesn't matter, anyway, because it becomes clear the kids wouldn't know what help looked like anyway and wouldn't take it if offered, except to get out of today's jam and into tomorrow's. They, too, have no loyalty to others, no perspective, no plans. When a detective stumbles across them, one of the girls quickly starts shouting "I didn't kill! It was him! It was him!" and even though she travels with the gang, taunts that they will be punished for what they did, not even seeing that her very presence makes her an accomplice. There is no solidarity between friends, only scared bundles of raw energy that fly apart at the slightest touch.

Yim Ho's first two films, THE EXTRAS and THE HAPPENINGS, are two of the most frenetically exciting, out-of-control Hong Kong films ever made. Each feature protagonists who are unable to control their destiny, and are swept along by events without a pause to reflect or time to act. Or worse, when they finally are able to act, their actions only make matters worse. Nothing is simple in these films, every action has its consequences, and most of all, there is a feeling that no one is fully in control, nobody understands what is safe and what is dangerous, nobody can clearly explain right and wrong. The viewer experiences the utter helplessness of the protagonist's situation. The filmmaker best known for frenetically paced films has to be Tsui Hark, but in his films, the flurry of action makes the viewer giddy with excitement and eager to see what will happen next, compared to the experience in Yim Ho's films, of nervousness and alarm.

In an interview published by the Hong Kong Film Festival ("Hong Kong New Wave: 20 Years After"), Yim Ho states that his first films were "experiments" and that he didn't understand how to make a film until he made HOMECOMING, his fourth picture, in 1984. I suppose this is an understandable view for him to take, given that this film was not very successful, while HOMECOMING won armloads of awards and prestige. But I respectfully disagree. Although many of his films are unfortunately not easily available, those that I have seen suggest that these first films were among the best he ever made, and deserve a place on every Hong Kong cinema enthusiast's shelves -- provided a decent home video release ever materializes for them. For now, Joy Sales has released THE HAPPENINGS on VCD, so it will have to do.

The scandal in 1977 was a bit different: the actresses were allegedly getting rented out as call-girls and making a tidy sum as a side-business out of it. Much worse than today's scandal, I suppose, but still: at least the girls back in 1977 had an angle and were earning some money. Gillian Chung, Cecilia Cheung, and the other actresses and singers involved in Sexy Photos Gate, on the other hand, were just being stupid, letting their boyfriend snap compromising pictures of them because -- what, they were in love? Wanted to please him? There's always the chance they were into it, too, but at this time, thousands of erotic photographs of various lovers have NOT turned up on anyone elses computers, so we'll have to assume this is Edison's freak show and no one elses.

THE CALL-GIRLS starts out in a faux-documentary style, with actors and directors in the Hong Kong film industry being asked about the scandal by a reporter, and echoing similar interviews from the recent scandal, they all have sympathy, and generally refuse to criticize or even comment. The movie explores the girls lives, each one harder than the last. Though it was interesting to see the movie suggest that several starlets actually started out as prostitutes before becoming famous actresses, and simply continued to turn tricks on the side as part of their contract with their agent. Others are drawn in unwittingly and become trapped under threat of blackmail. Danny Li plays the cop investigating the case, the story told as different women (Shaw "starlets" Shirley Yu and Chen Ping, among others) are brought before him at the station and he considers charging them and setting bail.

In the end, the movie asks, "Who is to blame? Who should be punished?" Let me nominate director Cheng Kang for the punishment queue, for making such a terrible film on such a salacious topic. The directors comedic vs. dramatic sensibility must be called into question, to begin with. The disturbing scene of a japanese man who prefers to use large gourds on his call girl is apparently comedy, while the hilarious scene of the call girls stripping at the funeral of one of their own and becoming nude pallbearers is apparently drama. Like many Shaw Brothers sex films, it is chock full of sex and nudity, but slathered with condemnation and disgust for the whole enterprise. The director maximizes his disgust by making sure most of the nasty men taking advantage of and abusing the women are English or Japanese.

In the absence of easily demonized ethnic outsiders, who then should be punished for "Sexy Photos Gate"? No one broke any laws, except a petty theft in the case of the repair shop employee who snagged a copy of the snaps off of Edisons Mac. Nevertheless, the police acted overzealously and sought to criminalize everyone who came into contact with the pictures, the immediate result being that posting the pictures became less about ruining careers, which it still did, and more about Freedom of Speech against an oppressive government. In the punishment category for this scandal, then, I nominate the Chief of Police, if no one else. The actresses involved have ruined their careers, punishment enough, surely, though I have to wonder if EEG can sue Gillian for breach of contract due to the affair -- surely there's a clause in there somewhere that says you can't ruin your reputation while they are trying to keep you as a bankable star? If there isn't, somehow I think the next batch of starlet contracts will include this clause. As for Edison Chen, his life is not just an episode of BIG BROTHER, but of SURVIVOR, and I think he's just been voted off the island.

There are a lot of ways "Sexy Photos Gate" could be made into a movie: a tragedy of hubris, pride coming before a fall. Or a cat-and-mouse game between the cops, the triads, and everyone else trying to stop the person who continued to post images online, under the nickname "Kira" (a nod to the movie DEATH NOTE), until he suddenly stopped. Did someone catch up to him? Did he blackmail the actors and actresses involved? Was he murdered? Who knows? Could be a good story. I'm thinking Francis Ng or Nic Tse as "Kira" and, I don't know, Stephen Fung as Edison Chen. Paging Wong Jing, Hong Kong needs you right now. Because nothing puts a scandal to rest better than immortalizing it as a trashy movie.

Of course, the film makes a travesty of insane asylum conditions and actual mental illness, a point which made psychiatrists in Mumbai protest the film and demand edits. Apparently, they are not a very influential bunch, since none were made. It hardly makes a difference, anyway. A proper edit of the film would take about two hours out.

The first 40 minutes of the film are quite promising, though. Anand is committed, and his interaction with the other inmates is sweet. The highlight of the film comes when he tries to explain how important music is to a full life, in an attempt to get enough inmates to vote for having the sound system play music during the day.

If only the film kept along that tack, it would have been a highlight of Salman Khan's career. Unfortunately, the film derails shortly afterwards. First, Tanvi reads up on his endless backstory. How did he end up in an asylum? Well, it's a loooong story. The short version is he spotted a sexy nun-in-training and wooed her away from God to be with him, then a tragic accident occurs, and he goes crazy. Then, our Doctor heroes begin the long rehabilitation process, which involves a lot of singing and running around in the hills nearby. Tanvi's father, meanwhile, arranges for her marriage to some shmuck, but she gets all gaga for Anand, so Daddy needs to abuse his power and make sure he stays committed, even when it seems he has recovered. Too bad the other inmates were unceremoniously dumped in order to fit in all the romance. Without them, the entire enterprise gets dull quite quickly. The proceedings aren't helped by a flat performance from Kareena Kapoor and an all-out bad one from an exceptionally unconvincing Jackie Shroff.

Those who believe all Bollywood movies are cheap knock-offs of Hollywood productions will want to lick their hand to slick their hair back as they declare it to be a cheap rip-off of ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST. Well, maybe so, to an extent, and certainly director Priadarshan is known to be a serial plagarist. But it isn't quite that simple: The movie is actually a remake of his own Malayalam film THALAVATTAM, which one could say was inspired by CUCKOO. Though really, it steals far more plot points from KHAMOSHI, a psyciatric hospital drama from 1969 in which a nurse falls in love with her patient, who, when cured, no longer recognizes her. But in fact I would say our plagarist-seeker is half right in this case: KYON KI bears no resemblance to CUCKOO at first -- but then, in the end, there arrives a plot twist that could only exist because it was stolen from CUCKOO, otherwise, it didn't have any reason to be there.

Of course, the usual complications ensue, as Deshu enters the gang, takes over an area that doesn't have a lot of profit, makes it pay off, starts to get his own loyal sub-gang, while the old heir apparent harbours a grudge that turns to treachery. It's altogether more violent and not as fun as the Hong Kong YOUNG & DANGEROUS movies, but it still has a lot of good stuff going on. Shootouts are handled with a minimum of flash. And the supporting cast overshadows the lead: Goga Kapoor is Hashimbhai, the aging Don, and Chunky Pandey plays Deshu's right-hand man, who loves booze and his girl and his boss. The score is excellent, but where are the song and dance routines? Alas, no where to be found, because many Bollywood directors today feel the musical numbers somehow cheapen their film, whereas in actuality the dances serve to make them more interesting. Without, the movie becomes something we could see from any region, from Hollywood to Hong Kong, with only the streets of Mumbai to stamp it as Indian.

Still, 'D' is one of the best-crafted Bollywood movies I have seen in some time. The oppressive heat, the grunge and decay of everyday life, the over saturated colors of interior spaces, all bring to mind Christopher Doyle's work in DAYS OF BEING WILD. Incredible location shooting show off the the squalor and energy of the city to great effect, making it another in a long history of Bollywood films to celebrate the city, warts and all. It's too bad that all that work was put to an unremarkable story told too many times already, with a star who could do brooding hunkiness but not much else.

The 26 episode series is basically broken into three stories, or three groups of villains that Gentaro and Goro must face. First up is the Shiranui Clan, who control giant robots and want to conquer Japane as "revenge against the Yamato Clan", to whom they feel a "2,000 year old hatred." Heady stuff for a kids show, the bad guys are basically terrorists, and in some episodes a relative of one of the villains tries to plead for them to leave the evil group, and come back to their family, with predictably dire consequences.

The second batch of villains is perhaps a bit less serious, the Phantom Militia, who wear primary-colored outfits topped by white Bedouin headscarves. They are still mad terrorists, though. They control a group of not just robots but monster-robots, making the giant battles a whole lot more interesting. The third and final batch of bad guys are the Titanians, a group of aliens from outer space who dress like Zorro and wear white face masks. Come to think of it, a bit of V FOR VENDETTA, really. According to the comprehensive and interesting liner notes included in the DVD set, compiled by the ever-reliable and authoritative August Ragone, the show switched to aliens because the kiddies were getting a bit confused about the villains being altogether too human. Not sure if that helps, though, because the aliens immediately start "body-jacking" innocent villagers, women, and children, and fighting Gentaro and Goro while in those human forms.

I had the pleasure of watching IRON KING with a seven-year-old boy. It was his first subtitle-reading/watching experience, except for a few segments of the ULTRAMAN DVD from the same company, which appeared whenever the dubbing dropped out (certainly a horrible thing to happen on a dub track, and yet, the occasional drop-outs gave him some much needed little bits of practice that probably made him feel willing to try IRON KING in the first place). He had no trouble, though sometimes the words did go "a little too fast." He immediately idolized Gentaro - he kicks ass, plays the guitar, and the ladies love him - and slowly grew to really like Goro, too, in ways he never attached to the ULTRAMAN cast. (The stiff hero Hayata is fine, but the fact that he disappears, and is replaced by ULTRAMAN during the action scenes, makes it harder to identify with his heroism. And the rest of the team are sort of goof-balls). Basically, he thinks Gentaro is pretty much the coolest guy in the world. The girls were a lot harder to like. The first is sort of a friend/sort of an undercover spy (Chieko Morikawa), but she departs the show by the end of the Shiranui clan story, and is replaced by one-off heroines until the end of the series, when our heroes are joined by Officer Noriko Fujimori (Chiaki Ukyo), who scolds them regularly.

Too bad that Japanese children's programming from the 70's is not exactly what you might call politically correct. Sometimes, Gentaro is a complete bastard. He ignores people in peril to focus on defeating the main villains, puts people in danger as bait to draw the bad guys in, and generally lacks compassion - maybe just outwardly, but still. In one episode, he kisses a nun just so she would leave them alone. Goro acts as his conscience, though, and the two strike a good balance.

Still, in an era when Sesame Street releases old episodes of its TV show but labels them inappropriate for kids today, and Whoopie Goldberg provides a disclaimer at the front of Looney Tunes boxed sets to warn that a few of the cartoons may have inappropriate stereotypes, a little more warning of the polically incorrect bits would have been nice. The worst moment was in episode 12, when Gentaro finally takes a little break from his adventures -- previously he and Goro were always out in the woods, camping, living off the land, and fighting the bad guys. He is depressed, and next thing you know he is sitting at a hotel bar swigging some booze and smoking up a storm. I could hear an audible gasp from the chair next to mine -- and the wheels turning, trying to reconcile the hero with this new vice. (At least, he doesn't start smoking again until episode 24). Parents watching with their kids who are not interested in promoting an interest in smoking might wish to skip those episodes. If you would rather avoid bad language, that's much harder, as outbursts of "Bastards!" and "Damn it!" are quite common, but I thought relatively harmless.

Parents may also want to be prepared for the introduction of the Titanians at the end of Episode 18. They say nothing, they just laugh, in their immobile white masks, then suddenly their shadows stretch out and grow into the sky. In other words -- pure nightmare candy. I still remember a dream I had when I was six years old about shadows very similar to those cast by the Titanians in that moment. Watch it early in the day, perhaps, or follow up right away with the next episode, which largely de-mystifies the Titanians and makes them just another bad guy group in need to of a good smackdown.

Despite these flaws, IRON KING is great fun and compares quite favorably with the classic original ULTRAMAN. In IRON KINGs favor, the two leads are really great, and I'm a sucker for regular human beings fighting against giant monsters, which I find much more interesting than the monster vs. robot wrestling matches almost every episode of every Japanese superhero series eventually devolves to. In ULTRAMANs favor, each episode has a unique self-contained story. I understand that IRON KING is more the norm in this respect, but I do find it a bit tedious when episode 1 features 10 bad guys, and the leader says, "Bad Guy #1, go!!!!", and next episode, they face #2, and so on through 10 episodes. Happily, the stories get increasingly diverse in IRON KING as the series progresses.

BCI plans to release more Japanese superhero shows from the seventies to DVD, including SILVER MASK, which was made by the same production team and immediately proceeded IRON KING, and SUPER ROBOT: RED BARON, which immediately followed. Given the quality of this release both in terms of the package and the program itself, it's likely I will be picking up the others as well, though I'm already skeptical that anything else could match the fun of IRON KING.

But their love is fated, sort of -- as explained by opium-cigarette smoking, beautiful Radha (Sarita): They were in love in a previous life, many years ago, but he was a poor peasant and her father would not approve the wedding, and he flung himself off a cliff. Now, hundreds of years later, she has reincarnated body and soul, and so has he. Only trouble is, his soul has reincarnated as a snake, his body and face reincarnated as Ravi. Pretty soon the love match heats up, as the snake takes human form (also played by Shatrughan Sinha) and demands they consummate their love. She agrees, little knowing that his snake sex-magic will kill her for good.

MILAP throws down a new twist to the usual snake-woman fare, and this, combined with impressive scenery, makes the film fairly entertaining to watch. It is very difficult to take the drama very seriously, though, due in part to the fact that the antagonist is a snake for much of the running time, and a lot of scenes feature the snake peeking in a window, slithering nearby to overhear conversations, and so on. There is even a love song sung to the snake. The actors are all in earnest, but the effect is comical.

Shatrughan Sinha does a nice job with his three roles (spoiled rich guy, romantic villager from the past, and snake spirit), and Reena Roy is very charming and attractive and believable as the snake charmer's daughter. Danny Denzongpa sports a ridiculous hairstyle, carries snakes around for most of the film, and does almost as much spying on our heroes as the snake does. As usual, though, he is a welcome addition to the cast.

The entire film was shot at Nandi Hills, Mysore, which rise up to overlook a flat expanse of farm and green as far as the eye can see. Scenes take place near dramatic cliffs (now a tourist destination because of the former Tipu Sultan's prediliction for dropping prisoners off of them) and an ancient temple. The location is unique and interesting, but by the end of the movie also felt rather limited. After the tenth conversation that takes place in front of the same scenic vista, you pretty much don't need to see it again. Wouldn't mind paying the site a visit in person one day, though.

PERIYA IDATHU PENN is a classic Tamil film starring one of the most beloved actors ever to walk the earth, M.G.Ramachandran (MGR, for short), as our noble villager with a stout heart and weird ideas about revenge. His target is Saroja Devi, who played opposite MGR in a number of films, and together they made a popular pairing. The "trifecta" comes with the addition of comedian Nagesh, who is sort of a Tamil Johnny Walker (skinny little guy with goofy voice and pencil mustache), and whose appearance in every Tamil film of a certain period seems to perhaps have been mandatory.

The music is quite good, especially a song early on that the villagers sing about the marvels of Chennai, which feels like a counterpart to the classic Hindi song "Bombay Meri Jaan" from the movie C.I.D. And it is hard to resist the number that MGR uses to romance the evil but beautiful girl he plans to take his revenge on.

The story can't sustain itself, unfortunately, over its entire 2.5 hour running time. Toward the end, it seems as though even the actors and director are scrambling to wrap up. Movements of the actors within each scene appear less well planned, and the actors increasingly "cheat out" and face the camera when delivering their lines.

Still, how can you resist the moves that MGR puts down in the opening of this song (over at youtube)?

Adding the danger and pain element, Daniel Wu introduces the "House of Pain" segments with a friend, "bad idea boy", on whom he inflicts various forms of torture, including burning him with cigarettes, hitting him in the ass with a durian, and in the single most shockingly impressive/horrible stunt, firing firecrackers at him point-blank.

The best bits in the show, though, have none of those stars, and feature an american english teacher who joined in the fun. In the DVD extras he talks about how doing the show cost him his job, because one stunt had him pretending to be a tourist and asking strangers to film him in front of monuments with his videocamera, then handing them the camera with it playing a scene of him undressing. The horrified and confused look on people's faces was priceless, but apparently word got to some parents that he was a "pervert", he was unable to explain the humor, and they let him go. My favorite of his sketches features him practicing his newly invented art of "urban snorkeling" -- diving into the various fountains all around Hong Kong, in malls, on the sides of buildings, and so on.

According to Daniel Wu, the overall poor quality of the program is partially due to the fact that the DVD does not have the original soundtrack, because the clips were made with music from MTV Asia. So all the clips have new, lame music, and not much dialog. I can't imagine this hurt the film all that much, however, as it is still just a string of gags, some funny, some not, and most of it on youtube. Search youtube for "Chiseen", or try these:

Firecracker stunt:

Oh, and did I mention this one? Brilliant.

Apparently other people can identify kung-fu styles better than I can. Otherwise, why name the film "Mantis Combat?" I kept waiting for some mention of Mantises, or maybe for someone to mate with someone else, then rip their head off and eat him, but in vain. As far as I can recall, it is never mentioned once, leaving us kung-fu style recognition impaired completely in the dark. I do know a little sign language, though.

The plot isn't terrible, what little there is, and Chan Sing is a crazy, bug-eyed MF of a villain who is enjoyable as heck to watch. But, the pacing of the film is way off, the heroes not particularly interesting, and the movie as a whole, just boring.

And now, it is done. I've watched it, I've written about it, and I've retired it. MANTIS COMBAT is not a film I will be returning to anytime soon.

Or is he? Rocky is being set up by an endless list of kung-fu villain stereotypes. He doesn't like to kill, but when you gotta, you gotta, and within the first ten minutes, dispatches a blind fighter, a Shaolin monk, a Taoist priest, and a beggar. Of course, both girls are regularly imperiled, but far from helpless, as the priceless dubbing explains:

Sue: "Have you heard about this, that Sue kills when she bathes and she can be quite vicious?"

Nine blind kung-fu villains surrounding her hot tub: "We have heard that."

Finally it turns out all these bad guys are part of a secret, evil group, who, when they finally show their true colors, turn out to wear bright red costumes with yellow capes. It's like a SHAZAM convention. And Willow decides to join the others in trying to kill Rocky, to save face. But Rocky has other plans. I've got to let the dubbing speak for itself again when Sue explains, about Rocky: "You haven't changed a bit, my dear. You are still 100% a bastard."

GREAT MASSACRE isn't a good film by any stretch of the imagination, mostly just another in a seemingly endless stream of late 70's, early 80's Taiwanese kung fu films. But the action is sometimes fun: Chopsticks and fans come into play, as does a poisonous change of clothes. And one of our heroines is abducted while still in her bath, and taken cross-country with strategic suds magically still intact. Finally, the dubbing adds a bit more retro charm.

Good sifu (Gordon Liu) tries to help wandering spirits find reincarnation, while bad sifu (Fan Siu-Wong) generally opts for dispersing them and destroying them forever. These wandering spirits take the form of zombies, who look upon the hopping vampires with jealousy, as the vampires are being taken to proper burials, whereas the zombies have been left in unmarked mass graves.

There are kid vampires and cute zombies galore in this film, which is never a good thing, but at least these kids seem to have some kung fu training, and the highlight of the film is their "phantom chess" game, between child hopping vampires and cut-out paper monks. Without a proper ending, however, the film reaches no satisfying conclusion nor emotional nor physical climax. Most of the action takes place in a constantly recycled teahouse set, further reducing viewer interest, and the martial arts action is fairly subdued. I don't think Gordon Liu even breaks a sweat during the entire running time.

Similar to Maniacal Night, which was also written and produced by Sam Leong, in that it takes place in the space of one night, and the mood is light though the situations are sometimes serious. Japanese - Hong Kong (mis)communication also plays a part. But there is a huge difference between the two films. MANIACAL NIGHT is a love song to Hong Kong, where despite all the craziness, it doesn't seem like there is any place you would rather be. It is beautiful, it is poetic, it is rhapsody. In MIDNIGHT RUNNING, though, Hong Kong is a joke. Both the cops, led by Carl Ng, and the triads, are preening fools. Our hero clumps around in a mascot costume of a big floppy-eared dog. And our heroes dream of leaving the city, to discover their beautiful dream beach somewhere far away. In fact, Hong Kong is so lousy they are pining away for Cuba, of all places. What a difference a half-decade makes.

The male co-stars are second-generation: Timmy Hung is Sammo Hung's son; Derek Tsang is Eric Tsang's son. Where's Jaycee Chan when you need him? Of these next gen stars, I find Timmy Hung to be a pretty enjoyable presence. The rest still need a bit more work. The soundtrack to the film is heavy on the whimsy, but there is at least one musical cue lifted right out of the old TRON arcade game, employed every time a man wearing a plastic bag over his head hits another man with a pipe. I have no idea why they kept using this musical cue, but it made me laugh, anyway. In any case, MIDNIGHT RUNNING is lighthearted fluff that is a pleasant enough way to pass some time, and doesn't take itself too seriously.

Unfortunately, its hard to shake the feeling that we haven't already seen all of this before, dozens upon dozens of times. This time the cops have the plan to send 100s of cops to infiltrate the triads as undercovers. They label their mission "Croutching Tiger", but since there has already been a very popular movie with nearly that name, the title of this film goes untranslated, so "Wo Hu."

The triad bosses, played by Eric Tsang, Jordan Chan, Francis Ng, and Julian Cheung, are under pressure and start feeling paranoid. Officer Wai (Miu Kiu Wai), in charge of the operation, used to be an undercover, too, and has a secret he'd rather not let out, that naturally Eric Tsang knows about. Naturally, people start ending up dead, which makes people get even more paranoid, crazed, and lethal, to the extent that they need to call up "Killer" (Shawn Yue), to do some slashing.

But there isn't much action in WO HU. Instead, there is a lot of back room negotiation. But it doesn't really build a lot of momentum, and the cast is too large to let us get enough time with any one character to sympathize with them very much. So Eric Tsang meets a store window designer (the stunning and talented TVB actress Sonija Kwok) and falls in love, but the romance doesn't lift out of cliche. Only Francis Ng gets enough time to reveal something of his character, and it is one of his better performances of late. Director Marco Mak reminds us he is not a hack by supporting the story through his direction -- numerous scenes play out behind bars -- some actual prison bars, but mostly through screens and windows -- to emphasize how everyone, cops and triads alike, are trapped by their past actions, and their eventual consequences. "Just because no one knows you did something," Eric Tsang says, tickling a cop's guilty conscience, "Doesn't mean it didn't happen."

The gimmick of this film is actually pretty fun -- all the different sets of twins squaring off against each other in fight after fight. Most of the twins appear to actually be twins, with the exception of the Twins themselves, and amusingly, long time "ugly" support character actor Bat Leung-Gum and his female twin partner.

Director Kong Tao-Hoi is a long time action choreographer, and this is his first directorial effort. As such, it fails spectacularly in the non-action scenes to sustain any viewer interest whatsoever. Worse, the action scenes themselves are sometimes plodding and overly choreographed, peppered with clumsy wirework and packed with about 300 panes too many of breakaway glass. Both the direction and the action choreography needs tightening that it doesn't get. In the end, some dodgy snake CGI put the Twins in peril, but, when it seems hopeless for them, suddenly they show up in another scene without explanation as to what happened with the snakes.

TWINS MISSION as a whole suffers from scenes, like the snakes above, that appear, then are dropped and forgotten. At the beginning of the film, the girls are fighting over their love for David Copperfield. This goes on forever, but then is completely dropped. Later, Wu Jing does some magic to cheer up the dying girl, but the Twins don't even blink an eye or swoon, like you might expect given their interests.

What's worse, the film doesn't even properly end, and text appears saying, "KEEP WATCHING to see how it ends!" right before the credits appear. OK, I'm game, that's a fun idea to let people know there will be a short stinger at the end of the credits with some clever little something to end the film. But then, the credits just keep going, and going, and then, the movie ends. Apparently this end text was supposed to suggest there would be a sequel, but it was so poorly written, like the rest of the film, that audiences were expecting something different.

"Expecting something different" is the catch phrase for TWINS MISSION. Given the cast, and the production values, we expected something good, or at the very least, entertaining. What we got was mostly horrible with a few decent action scenes thrown like scraps of bread to a starving child.